You were one of those years every 20-year-old thinks that works as a self-discovery.
It worked that way for me too.
I had to look for myself, and still I’m not entirely true I’ve discovered me just yet. It was, however, a step to the right direction.
Starting psychotherapy again really helped me. I had to dig deep within me and close some ‘cases’, some personal ones, that I’ve left open for a long time with hopes that one day would solve themselves. But, that’s not how life works and I know that now.
I have to thank you for being so tough on me at some moments, though, no matter how weird it sounds. You were good in your own way, you taught me lessons about people and their truth. How people can say one thing and mean something else entirely, how I can’t trust anybody and if I ever feel like taking a risk I should do just that. You begun a long lesson for me of how to be fearless, a lesson I know it will take a while for me to conquer that title. I may not be fearless just yet, but I am heading to the right direction.
Just a few hours before you are gone once and for all, I want to say that although at times I felt like this is my worst year, you had way to prove me wrong and I appreciate that. You weren’t an awful year, I am just young and life goes on and everyday is a new lesson and I guess you were the year I had to get my head and heart to realize that I am not a kid any more. I am adult and I need to act like it.
Tough and challenging and painful as that may have been, I can at least look at myself in the mirror and see a young adult instead of a teenager.
Damn, 2017, for 12 months you kept pushing me into trying to be the best version of myself. Even at times all I wanted to do was hide under the covers of my bed. You pushed me to work for what I want to get. You pushed me to do better, to try, to take chances, risks, to fight for myself and defend the person I am.
The hardest thing I had to do this year was probably admitting I need professional help and visit a therapist. Who would have told me that 2017 would be the year I would go back to psychotherapy again.
It was all worth it in the end. Now, look at me. My blog is going well and keep improving, I am still working on myself, I have a job, I buy stuff for myself, I spend time with people I truly appreciate and I have finally pushed away those who poisoned my existence.
Thank you, 2017 for being a hell of a year.
My mission for 2018? The same one it always is. To be happy.
POST WRITTEN BY ANASTASIA LIOULI