A change of heart

There comes a moment in every body’s life that plays a tremendous part on shaping who they are. For me, it wasn’t just one moment, but many small moments in a row. Of course, when each moment was passing I didn’t know how important it was, but looking back I’m thankful for all of them.

If I want to be honest with you, then I should probably admit that I’ve been a very difficult person to be with. I’ve been through some pretty rough situations that made me a bit bitter and made me question myself and the people around me. The fact I just turned 21 proves that wasn’t so long ago, but thinking about it these days I think of myself as extremely lucky to be able to have seen how wrong I’ve been towards many people (mostly) in my life .

I had to lose friends and people who were interested in me, I had to drive them away or act so freaking badly – before I decided to sit down with myself (and my therapist) and see things the way they really are.

You have to have a good, genuine, heart breaking talk with yourself if you want to be able to identify your flaws, so they won’t hurt you any more. You have to see yourself through somebody else’s eyes and dig within to figure out why you are the way you are.

That, obviously, doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you. On the contrary, that means you are mature enough to know when you need to help yourself.

I had a change of heart after that heart breaking talk with myself almost a year or so ago. I realized I was too caught up in appearances, in other people’s opinions and beliefs that I didn’t have my own. I was too hard on everybody – including myself. Maybe, I didn’t exactly want to acknowledge my imperfections – which is the reason why I expected from to be perfect and act a certain way .

Now, that’s wrong.

After seeing me for who I am, I realized it was pointless being this bitter and sad. It was pointless pretending I was okay with whatever people felt like saying to me. It was pointless giving into childish acts. I was better than this. It was pointless hating others. But, above all, it was pointless expecting from people to be perfect, when I’m not even close to being perfect.
Or, maybe, we are perfect in our own imperfect way. Perfection differs from anybody’s perspective, so I suggest surround ourselves with people who see us perfect – whatever way they define perfection.

Now? Now, I’ve adopted a different way of life. Sure, I have my bitter, mean-girls-kind of moments, but that’s also a part of who I am. I am, however, focusing on smiling to every person I meet, I make jokes, I forgive, I give second chances, I respect and accept that I can’t change the people around me.

In the end, we’re responsible for ourselves. We are the ones who’ll have to take good care of ourselves, make sure we enjoy our time being alive, and that we stay safe. We’re in charge of our own life, and we have to be the change we want to see in the world.

Now, let me ask you this: When was the last time you had a chat with yourself?

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